Anna “Auntie Pixelante” Anthropy recently posted about a Megazeux game, and it reminded me of a horrible embarrassment from my past. Who wants to see the earliest currently-known games publicly released by Gregory Weir?

Behold “Smiley Quest Demo 1.0” and “Snowman Smash.” Revel in their splendor. These are not good games. They’re timestamped around early 1998, which would make me around 13. I’ve presented the games unedited, except for one fix to a bug in “Smiley Quest” that would otherwise make the game unfinishable.

Within you will:

• See “Smiley Quest’s” Kafka-esque, postmodern title cutscene.
• Watch the young Weir try way too hard to be funny.
• Witness my odd childhood fascination with tutorial text.
• See shameless references to other, better MZX games.
• Wince at “Snowman Smash’s” misogyny, which I swear was meant ironically.
• Hear music stolen from other games.
• [EDIT] And “Smiley Quest” is unfinished. [/EDIT]

You’ll need to download a copy of Megazeux to run the games.

Since I’ve lied a lot on this site recently, let me just make it clear that these games are the real thing, produced by me sometime in middle school. I’m not proud of them, but here they are. And these don’t count as my May game. I’ve got something planned for that.